Recently, I have been sleeping in my brother's room since he is staying over at his girlfriend's. I am beginning to enjoy the feeling of having my privacy in my own room. Well, only if its my 'own'.

Its about time my brother move out, get his own place and give up his room to me.

Anyways, as I was saying, I have been sleeping in his soon-to-be-mine-hopefully room and during the past few nights, I would wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. I wasn't dreaming, or at least couldn't remember that I was when I woke up abruptly. There was no external disturbances, loud sounds, warm weather or anything like that as well.

I simply just woke up. For no good reason. For a brief moment, after which, I would go back to sleep.

I wouldn't put too much thought into it if I haven't read this on the internet today:

"When you wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, it is probably because there is someone staring at you while you are sleeping."

-.-

Seriously?

How am I supposed to sleep peacefully with this knowledge in my room in the future?

Morning won't come, my sun is gone.

Feeling super motivated.

One and two and one and two.

As the ancient Chinese saying goes: 人外有人，天外有天.

Basically, it means that no matter how good you think you are, there will always be someone else who will be better than you.

I am perfectly aware that I am not as perfect as I think I am and that there are others who are definitely better than me in certain aspects of life but tonight, I was really humbled by what I discovered.

Still being a vibrant young man with a scorching penchant for living life to the absolute fullest and illuminating everyone around me with my fiery vitality at the highest possible discharge rate of my youthfulness till the point when I stop being young and start becoming old (dafuq did i just wrote), I tend to get a little over my head when I find out I am better at something than most average people. A mini ego if you would. I am sure I am not the only one with that. Right?

This mini ego of mine got crushed into a vigintillion pieces and tossed into the deepest, darkest abyss of the godless underworld tonight. It was a wake up slap and as with all kinds of slaps, it definitely didn't felt good. I can't speak for those who are into SM though.

But the pain was only transient. For after the pain, a seemingly unlimited, endless flow of determination gushed forth from within my inner self, spurring me on to work harder, harderer and hardererer in order to exceed the rest, or at least reach their ranks.

However, that gush of motivational energy disappeared almost instantly as it had appeared and I am reduced to my initial state of self-pity, self-loathing and self-immolation. It really seems to be unlimited and endless after all.

Ok, never mind about me and my emo spasms. My point is, we should never be afraid to recognize that we are not as good as others. This is life, nobody can be perfect in everything and nobody can be imperfect in everything as well. Sometimes, we have to throw away our egos in order to better ourselves.

But is hard work itself enough to change ourselves?

Rage.

I am so full of it tonight. I find my temper getting increasingly shorter in recent times. I would get extremely irritated at some of the most minute annoyances in our daily lives. A case in point; people, women especially, who either can't walk straight, swerving to the left and right across the walkway as though they are training for next year's F1 Grand Prix. The way I see it, it is more probable that they are suffering from muscular dystrophy. Or they will simply hog up the entire walkway, taking their own sweet time to savor the fleeting but beautiful moment of their journey through the MRT station.

It really should be made legal for one to lop the head of a "slow-walker" off from behind. Or their arms. Or legs. Or just impale them. Fucking inconsiderate degenerates.

And what did I mention at the beginning of this post? I find myself getting angry simply by thinking of those foolish fools I have to face everyday on my commute.

If only I can become the Incredible Hulk, who gets his power from his anger. The angrier he is, the more powerful he gets. In a sense, his power would be infinitely large, simply because there is no limit as to how angry a person can get. A person can continue to get angrier, and angrier, and angrier and - you know what I am talking about. I am sure you guys had those moments where you feel you can do the worst possible thing the human mind can conceive to someone who you are so goddamn angry with. Then when your rage settles, and you think back, you will laugh it off as a joke and tell yourself that you never do those horrible things. It was just hollow thoughts generated by your brain at the height of your anger.

Really?

Why are our brains programmed with these horrible, horrible thoughts to begin with anyway? Also, assuming that anarchy becomes the mainstream political system in the world tomorrow and it becomes a right for everyone to kill anyone, would you still believe you can curb your actions when you are extremely angry?

Sometimes, I get so filled with rage that I wish I could inflict pain on the person closest to me to vent my anger. Could my sudden increase in rage level be an old-age disease? I wonder.

"Why should the world exist without me? That wouldn't be fair." - Kuja