My sentimentality is going to be my undoing one of these days.
But its ok. If everyone was heartless, the world would have been a place of utter misery and despair.
March 30, 2012
March 21, 2012
Nothingness.
Everyone begins from nothingness. We were once nothing. And then suddenly, we were given life. The gift of life. And then we came into the world.
Life is beautiful. Yes it is. We feel joy. We feel love. Wonderful things indeed.
But they didn't mention anything about the ugly side of life. There are many trials and tribulations that we have to go through. During the prehistoric time, we have to fight constantly in order to survive. To avoid being the meal of other beasts. To be able to catch our meal everyday.
In modern times, we have to fight to survive too. But not in the wilderness. Instead the fight is now in the jungle. The urban jungle. Our society. Good grades. Good looks. Good tastes. Good upbringing. Good career. In my opinion, to survive in the modern urban jungle is much tougher than having to survive in the wilderness. At least in the past, all we have to worry about is filling our stomach, and to procreate and extend our lineage.
Now... there are just so many problems that we have to deal with. To make it worst, some problems were not created by us, or were even meant for us to deal with. But because we are part of the society, other people's problems can become ours.
The gift of life sounds almost paradoxical because if it is meant to be a gift, why do we have to suffer most of the time to own this 'gift'?
Wouldn't it be better for us to relinquish this gift that brings us more bitterness than pleasure?
After all, when we are all back to being nothingness, there is nothing to worry about.
Everyone begins from nothingness. We were once nothing. And then suddenly, we were given life. The gift of life. And then we came into the world.
Life is beautiful. Yes it is. We feel joy. We feel love. Wonderful things indeed.
But they didn't mention anything about the ugly side of life. There are many trials and tribulations that we have to go through. During the prehistoric time, we have to fight constantly in order to survive. To avoid being the meal of other beasts. To be able to catch our meal everyday.
In modern times, we have to fight to survive too. But not in the wilderness. Instead the fight is now in the jungle. The urban jungle. Our society. Good grades. Good looks. Good tastes. Good upbringing. Good career. In my opinion, to survive in the modern urban jungle is much tougher than having to survive in the wilderness. At least in the past, all we have to worry about is filling our stomach, and to procreate and extend our lineage.
Now... there are just so many problems that we have to deal with. To make it worst, some problems were not created by us, or were even meant for us to deal with. But because we are part of the society, other people's problems can become ours.
The gift of life sounds almost paradoxical because if it is meant to be a gift, why do we have to suffer most of the time to own this 'gift'?
Wouldn't it be better for us to relinquish this gift that brings us more bitterness than pleasure?
After all, when we are all back to being nothingness, there is nothing to worry about.
March 13, 2012
I went shopping with my bff the other night and she suggested that I should be more trendy instead of wearing the same old jeans and t-shirt combination all the time.
Trendy. I used to be that once. Not to the extent of being a fashionista but better than your average Singaporean. That was back when I had the money to spend rather extravagantly. How extravagant? 5 handphones within 2 months would be a good indication. Of course, my extravagance did not last long because soon enough, I ran out of money and blah blah blah...
It was not a proud part of my life but suffice it to say that I learnt the value of kachinks the hard way after that.
I would buy branded clothes and those that are deemed to be the 'in' thing to wear last time. I still have them now but fashion is an ephemeral thing; what is fashionable last time might warrant an arrest by the fashion police today.
With my dwindling wealth, I could no longer afford to follow the trend. I had to make do with what I have. Not that the clothes I have are ugly like shit or anything like that. Its just that I am the kind of person who dreads having to wear the same thing over and over for too many times.
Also, university started for me and I stayed in hall for the first year. That sort of reduce my concept of clothing to shorts and t-shirts. And slippers.
Even after I stopped staying in hall, the sheer burden of having to wear something different/new, but still economical for classes everyday forced me to look for a more convenient way of dressing up. Something that I can wear everyday.
Hence, the jeans and t-shirt combination. One pair of jeans and multiple t-shirts for different days. The national outfit of Singapore.
No wonder I have become un-trendy.
But money is not the only thing that affected my fashion sense. Age has made me more resistant to trying new stuff. It feels as if I am no longer as confident of looking food in new outfits as before, and not as interested in following the latest trends now. an obvious syndrome of old age where one's self-esteem starts to decline and tend to want to stick to the same thing.
But damn. I am only 23. Why do I feel that way?
Maybe I should consider that blue chinos...
Oh yeah, this is so totally my kind of clothes. Btw, this is not the blue chinos I was talking about. Its a... blue toga mankini.
Trendy. I used to be that once. Not to the extent of being a fashionista but better than your average Singaporean. That was back when I had the money to spend rather extravagantly. How extravagant? 5 handphones within 2 months would be a good indication. Of course, my extravagance did not last long because soon enough, I ran out of money and blah blah blah...
It was not a proud part of my life but suffice it to say that I learnt the value of kachinks the hard way after that.
I would buy branded clothes and those that are deemed to be the 'in' thing to wear last time. I still have them now but fashion is an ephemeral thing; what is fashionable last time might warrant an arrest by the fashion police today.
With my dwindling wealth, I could no longer afford to follow the trend. I had to make do with what I have. Not that the clothes I have are ugly like shit or anything like that. Its just that I am the kind of person who dreads having to wear the same thing over and over for too many times.
Also, university started for me and I stayed in hall for the first year. That sort of reduce my concept of clothing to shorts and t-shirts. And slippers.
Even after I stopped staying in hall, the sheer burden of having to wear something different/new, but still economical for classes everyday forced me to look for a more convenient way of dressing up. Something that I can wear everyday.
Hence, the jeans and t-shirt combination. One pair of jeans and multiple t-shirts for different days. The national outfit of Singapore.
No wonder I have become un-trendy.
But money is not the only thing that affected my fashion sense. Age has made me more resistant to trying new stuff. It feels as if I am no longer as confident of looking food in new outfits as before, and not as interested in following the latest trends now. an obvious syndrome of old age where one's self-esteem starts to decline and tend to want to stick to the same thing.
But damn. I am only 23. Why do I feel that way?
Maybe I should consider that blue chinos...
Oh yeah, this is so totally my kind of clothes. Btw, this is not the blue chinos I was talking about. Its a... blue toga mankini.
March 05, 2012
Imagine having to wake up at 5.40am every morning, leave your house by 6.40am to catch the train at 7.05am to catch the bus at 7.15am to reach your work on time at 7.55am. Once you arrived at your workplace, you have to sit down at your desk and pretend to be doing something/entertain yourself until someone has something for you to do or until 5.30pm, whichever happens first.
And when you have something to do, it is as brainless as editing certain sentences/statements in Microsoft Word and checking for errors in things such as the date, page number and the likes. It will probably take you at most 30 minutes or so? And then after that, you are back to the pretending game.
Let's not mention that such simple tasks can actually be done and completed easily by the person who delegated them to you in the first place, which leads you to wonder if you are merely just a handyman in the office where people push all sort of work which they themselves do not want to do to you, or they are just trying too damn hard to find stuff for you to do so that you may 'learn' something during your internship.
Microsoft Word editing skills. How useful.
That is my current predicament. A 110% waste of my time. Having nothing to do everyday. Having brainless stuff to do once in a while. Having to endure the presence of an obnoxious co-intern. Having to vex over how I could put my time to much better use.
It is so bad, I abso-fucking-lutely dread having to go to work everyday now. Really. But its ok. I just have to go through this brainless routine for 2 more months.
On second thought, that isn't very motivational. If any, it is extremely de-motivational.
And to think I will be graded for my internship. How they hell are they supposed to grade me when they have nothing concrete/useful for me to do? How best I pretend to be busy? How long did I remain awake at work? At the end of the day, I guess my internship grade will not truly reflect my performance there. Or what I have learnt for that matter.
Even so, I really need an A in order to pull my GPA up because the weightage of this internship is quite significant. Any grades below A and my GPA will drop. Will it be fair for me if I am given, say, a B as a 'standard grade' for every intern since we all have nothing much to do? No.
But alas, the world has never been fair.
Goodness. Its going to be Monday soon. And I have to wake up at 5.40am. For the next 5 days. Until the weekends...
Just like how Rose and Cybil have to hide in the Church in Silent Hill to escape from Pyramid Head, the weekends is now my Salvation from the abject sloth and mental degradation during the weekdays.
Life is short. I shouldn't have to waste it on meaningless things like this. Who is going to compensate me for this loss of my precious time?
Nobody, unfortunately. Another case of just following the system.
How sweet.
How distasteful.
And when you have something to do, it is as brainless as editing certain sentences/statements in Microsoft Word and checking for errors in things such as the date, page number and the likes. It will probably take you at most 30 minutes or so? And then after that, you are back to the pretending game.
Let's not mention that such simple tasks can actually be done and completed easily by the person who delegated them to you in the first place, which leads you to wonder if you are merely just a handyman in the office where people push all sort of work which they themselves do not want to do to you, or they are just trying too damn hard to find stuff for you to do so that you may 'learn' something during your internship.
Microsoft Word editing skills. How useful.
That is my current predicament. A 110% waste of my time. Having nothing to do everyday. Having brainless stuff to do once in a while. Having to endure the presence of an obnoxious co-intern. Having to vex over how I could put my time to much better use.
It is so bad, I abso-fucking-lutely dread having to go to work everyday now. Really. But its ok. I just have to go through this brainless routine for 2 more months.
On second thought, that isn't very motivational. If any, it is extremely de-motivational.
And to think I will be graded for my internship. How they hell are they supposed to grade me when they have nothing concrete/useful for me to do? How best I pretend to be busy? How long did I remain awake at work? At the end of the day, I guess my internship grade will not truly reflect my performance there. Or what I have learnt for that matter.
Even so, I really need an A in order to pull my GPA up because the weightage of this internship is quite significant. Any grades below A and my GPA will drop. Will it be fair for me if I am given, say, a B as a 'standard grade' for every intern since we all have nothing much to do? No.
But alas, the world has never been fair.
Goodness. Its going to be Monday soon. And I have to wake up at 5.40am. For the next 5 days. Until the weekends...
Just like how Rose and Cybil have to hide in the Church in Silent Hill to escape from Pyramid Head, the weekends is now my Salvation from the abject sloth and mental degradation during the weekdays.
Life is short. I shouldn't have to waste it on meaningless things like this. Who is going to compensate me for this loss of my precious time?
Nobody, unfortunately. Another case of just following the system.
How sweet.
How distasteful.
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