My sentimentality is going to be my undoing one of these days.

But its ok. If everyone was heartless, the world would have been a place of utter misery and despair.

Nothingness.

Everyone begins from nothingness. We were once nothing. And then suddenly, we were given life. The gift of life. And then we came into the world.

Life is beautiful. Yes it is. We feel joy. We feel love. Wonderful things indeed.

But they didn't mention anything about the ugly side of life. There are many trials and tribulations that we have to go through. During the prehistoric time, we have to fight constantly in order to survive. To avoid being the meal of other beasts. To be able to catch our meal everyday.

In modern times, we have to fight to survive too. But not in the wilderness. Instead the fight is now in the jungle. The urban jungle. Our society. Good grades. Good looks. Good tastes. Good upbringing. Good career. In my opinion, to survive in the modern urban jungle is much tougher than having to survive in the wilderness. At least in the past, all we have to worry about is filling our stomach, and to procreate and extend our lineage.

Now... there are just so many problems that we have to deal with. To make it worst, some problems were not created by us, or were even meant for us to deal with. But because we are part of the society, other people's problems can become ours.

The gift of life sounds almost paradoxical because if it is meant to be a gift, why do we have to suffer most of the time to own this 'gift'?

Wouldn't it be better for us to relinquish this gift that brings us more bitterness than pleasure?

After all, when we are all back to being nothingness, there is nothing to worry about.

I went shopping with my bff the other night and she suggested that I should be more trendy instead of wearing the same old jeans and t-shirt combination all the time.

Trendy. I used to be that once. Not to the extent of being a fashionista but better than your average Singaporean. That was back when I had the money to spend rather extravagantly. How extravagant? 5 handphones within 2 months would be a good indication. Of course, my extravagance did not last long because soon enough, I ran out of money and blah blah blah...

It was not a proud part of my life but suffice it to say that I learnt the value of kachinks the hard way after that.

I would buy branded clothes and those that are deemed to be the 'in' thing to wear last time. I still have them now but fashion is an ephemeral thing; what is fashionable last time might warrant an arrest by the fashion police today.

With my dwindling wealth, I could no longer afford to follow the trend. I had to make do with what I have. Not that the clothes I have are ugly like shit or anything like that. Its just that I am the kind of person who dreads having to wear the same thing over and over for too many times.

Also, university started for me and I stayed in hall for the first year. That sort of reduce my concept of clothing to shorts and t-shirts. And slippers.

Even after I stopped staying in hall, the sheer burden of having to wear something different/new, but still economical for classes everyday forced me to look for a more convenient way of dressing up. Something that I can wear everyday.

Hence, the jeans and t-shirt combination. One pair of jeans and multiple t-shirts for different days. The national outfit of Singapore.

No wonder I have become un-trendy.

But money is not the only thing that affected my fashion sense. Age has made me more resistant to trying new stuff. It feels as if I am no longer as confident of looking food in new outfits as before, and not as interested in following the latest trends now. an obvious syndrome of old age where one's self-esteem starts to decline and tend to want to stick to the same thing.

But damn. I am only 23. Why do I feel that way?

Maybe I should consider that blue chinos...



Oh yeah, this is so totally my kind of clothes. Btw, this is not the blue chinos I was talking about. Its a... blue toga mankini.

Imagine having to wake up at 5.40am every morning, leave your house by 6.40am to catch the train at 7.05am to catch the bus at 7.15am to reach your work on time at 7.55am. Once you arrived at your workplace, you have to sit down at your desk and pretend to be doing something/entertain yourself until someone has something for you to do or until 5.30pm, whichever happens first.

And when you have something to do, it is as brainless as editing certain sentences/statements in Microsoft Word and checking for errors in things such as the date, page number and the likes. It will probably take you at most 30 minutes or so? And then after that, you are back to the pretending game.

Let's not mention that such simple tasks can actually be done and completed easily by the person who delegated them to you in the first place, which leads you to wonder if you are merely just a handyman in the office where people push all sort of work which they themselves do not want to do to you, or they are just trying too damn hard to find stuff for you to do so that you may 'learn' something during your internship.

Microsoft Word editing skills. How useful.

That is my current predicament. A 110% waste of my time. Having nothing to do everyday. Having brainless stuff to do once in a while. Having to endure the presence of an obnoxious co-intern. Having to vex over how I could put my time to much better use.

It is so bad, I abso-fucking-lutely dread having to go to work everyday now. Really. But its ok. I just have to go through this brainless routine for 2 more months.

On second thought, that isn't very motivational. If any, it is extremely de-motivational.

And to think I will be graded for my internship. How they hell are they supposed to grade me when they have nothing concrete/useful for me to do? How best I pretend to be busy? How long did I remain awake at work? At the end of the day, I guess my internship grade will not truly reflect my performance there. Or what I have learnt for that matter.

Even so, I really need an A in order to pull my GPA up because the weightage of this internship is quite significant. Any grades below A and my GPA will drop. Will it be fair for me if I am given, say, a B as a 'standard grade' for every intern since we all have nothing much to do? No.

But alas, the world has never been fair.

Goodness. Its going to be Monday soon. And I have to wake up at 5.40am. For the next 5 days. Until the weekends...

Just like how Rose and Cybil have to hide in the Church in Silent Hill to escape from Pyramid Head, the weekends is now my Salvation from the abject sloth and mental degradation during the weekdays.

Life is short. I shouldn't have to waste it on meaningless things like this. Who is going to compensate me for this loss of my precious time?

Nobody, unfortunately. Another case of just following the system.

How sweet.

How distasteful.

Recently, I have been sleeping in my brother's room since he is staying over at his girlfriend's. I am beginning to enjoy the feeling of having my privacy in my own room. Well, only if its my 'own'.

Its about time my brother move out, get his own place and give up his room to me.

Anyways, as I was saying, I have been sleeping in his soon-to-be-mine-hopefully room and during the past few nights, I would wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. I wasn't dreaming, or at least couldn't remember that I was when I woke up abruptly. There was no external disturbances, loud sounds, warm weather or anything like that as well.

I simply just woke up. For no good reason. For a brief moment, after which, I would go back to sleep.

I wouldn't put too much thought into it if I haven't read this on the internet today:

"When you wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, it is probably because there is someone staring at you while you are sleeping."

-.-

Seriously?

How am I supposed to sleep peacefully with this knowledge in my room in the future?

Morning won't come, my sun is gone.

Feeling super motivated.

One and two and one and two.

As the ancient Chinese saying goes: 人外有人，天外有天.

Basically, it means that no matter how good you think you are, there will always be someone else who will be better than you.

I am perfectly aware that I am not as perfect as I think I am and that there are others who are definitely better than me in certain aspects of life but tonight, I was really humbled by what I discovered.

Still being a vibrant young man with a scorching penchant for living life to the absolute fullest and illuminating everyone around me with my fiery vitality at the highest possible discharge rate of my youthfulness till the point when I stop being young and start becoming old (dafuq did i just wrote), I tend to get a little over my head when I find out I am better at something than most average people. A mini ego if you would. I am sure I am not the only one with that. Right?

This mini ego of mine got crushed into a vigintillion pieces and tossed into the deepest, darkest abyss of the godless underworld tonight. It was a wake up slap and as with all kinds of slaps, it definitely didn't felt good. I can't speak for those who are into SM though.

But the pain was only transient. For after the pain, a seemingly unlimited, endless flow of determination gushed forth from within my inner self, spurring me on to work harder, harderer and hardererer in order to exceed the rest, or at least reach their ranks.

However, that gush of motivational energy disappeared almost instantly as it had appeared and I am reduced to my initial state of self-pity, self-loathing and self-immolation. It really seems to be unlimited and endless after all.

Ok, never mind about me and my emo spasms. My point is, we should never be afraid to recognize that we are not as good as others. This is life, nobody can be perfect in everything and nobody can be imperfect in everything as well. Sometimes, we have to throw away our egos in order to better ourselves.

But is hard work itself enough to change ourselves?

Rage.

I am so full of it tonight. I find my temper getting increasingly shorter in recent times. I would get extremely irritated at some of the most minute annoyances in our daily lives. A case in point; people, women especially, who either can't walk straight, swerving to the left and right across the walkway as though they are training for next year's F1 Grand Prix. The way I see it, it is more probable that they are suffering from muscular dystrophy. Or they will simply hog up the entire walkway, taking their own sweet time to savor the fleeting but beautiful moment of their journey through the MRT station.

It really should be made legal for one to lop the head of a "slow-walker" off from behind. Or their arms. Or legs. Or just impale them. Fucking inconsiderate degenerates.

And what did I mention at the beginning of this post? I find myself getting angry simply by thinking of those foolish fools I have to face everyday on my commute.

If only I can become the Incredible Hulk, who gets his power from his anger. The angrier he is, the more powerful he gets. In a sense, his power would be infinitely large, simply because there is no limit as to how angry a person can get. A person can continue to get angrier, and angrier, and angrier and - you know what I am talking about. I am sure you guys had those moments where you feel you can do the worst possible thing the human mind can conceive to someone who you are so goddamn angry with. Then when your rage settles, and you think back, you will laugh it off as a joke and tell yourself that you never do those horrible things. It was just hollow thoughts generated by your brain at the height of your anger.

Really?

Why are our brains programmed with these horrible, horrible thoughts to begin with anyway? Also, assuming that anarchy becomes the mainstream political system in the world tomorrow and it becomes a right for everyone to kill anyone, would you still believe you can curb your actions when you are extremely angry?

Sometimes, I get so filled with rage that I wish I could inflict pain on the person closest to me to vent my anger. Could my sudden increase in rage level be an old-age disease? I wonder.

"Why should the world exist without me? That wouldn't be fair." - Kuja

But alas, it was not meant to be. Which is why I am an advocate of not having too high of an expectation for things that have yet to occur.

So, am I a pessimist? Or a pragmatist?

A pragsimist perhaps.

Nah. I am just human.

Please don't let this happen to me later on. Please. PLease. PLEase. PLEAse. PLEASe. PLEASE!

OTHERWISE, I WILL BE FORCED TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTIONS by tabaoing this mod -.-

HAHAHA.



Another masterpiece from probably the best site in the world.

Oh dear, what I wouldn't give to own my very own apartment right now.

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me

You never said goodbye
Someone tell my why
Did you have to go
And leave me world so cold



This is a very beautiful song from the late King of Pop. I can picture myself singing it (or playing it on the radio) to that person in a penthouse apartment overlooking the city's skyline, with a bucket of champagne and both of us are just enjoying each others' company in the middle of the night, feeling ever so blissful because we know we are not alone.



Speaking of which, I am currently as rich as a farmer in Cambodia. With that, I can only keep on dreaming.

rEaLiTy Y u No KiNd?????

One sentence: LIKE THAT ALSO CAN BECOME PRESIDENT? VOTE FOR ME BETTER LAH!



I thought the beginning of the his Presidential Speech was fine, maybe his smile was somewhat creepy. When I saw the "Bread" message, I thought it was just some political parody. But as I continue watching, I realized I was wrong.

It was NOT a parody. It was Tony Tan's ACTUAL Presidential Speech!

GOODNESS!!!

His creepy smile aside (don't you think so too), he cannot pronounce basic chinese characters for f***'s sake! For someone who was born during the 1960s, went through the tumultuous period in Singapore's history and even managed to reach high ministerial positions in the government, his proficiency in the Chinese language leaves MUCH to be desired.

I mean seriously?

Our Original Pioneer, the former Minister Mentor/Senior Minister/Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew decreed that it is of paramount importance for Chinese Singaporean to know the Chinese language so that we can all hail the arrival of China's era. To that end, he implemented compulsory Chinese exams across all levels of our education system which some of us struggled for our whole academic life to just get a C6. (Not me.)

As someone who was part of Lee Kuan Yew's cabinet back then and was even Lee Kuan Yew's first choice to succeed himself as Prime Minister, it is really quite appalling that he can't give a simple Chinese presentation. On a side note, Tony Tan was the architect of the foreign talent policy. Don't ask me why he was pro foreign talent and less-pro local talent. The PAP works in mysterious ways. Choosing him to be our next President is another of those many mysteries.

Oh and did anyone notice he started off sitting fairly straight but as his speech goes on, he starts to tilt more and more to the right?



See what I meant? It is obvious that he was trying to read off from the script behind the camera, not that it wasn't obvious in the first place. Poor presentation skills, reading from a script, having no prior knowledge what your script contain and poor reading skills. And he is poised to be our next President.

No wonder people are saying a President's job is just to look good on photo frames.

If like that vote for me better lah!





I wonder how much hair gel he uses everyday to keep his hair that way.