Valorous Visitation of a by-gone Vexation

My name is Cheng Jin. I come from an average family in Singapore.
I live a decent live and is generally self-sufficient; I am neither poor nor rich,
just somewhere in the middle.

This is my phone. I spent $568 on it when it was first released back in July 2007. I spent a few weeks lamenting on amount which I paid for this phone because it sapped away close to 70% of my minute salary for that month. But ultimately, I am happy with my phone because it satifies my needs for media entertainment on the go.

This is the Nokia 8800, a phone which costs around $1000. Despite its price, it offers less functions than my Nokia 5700. The main reason behind its steep price tag is its design which I won't deny, it looks sleek and cool. Made from titanium metal with a scratch-proof screen, it even comes with its own unique set of ringtone which no other Nokia phone has. It is dubbed the "poor man's Vertu" but paying so much for something that looks good is not something I will do. Its just so un-me.

This is the Nokia Sirocco 8800 Gold edition. Despite its revised name, the phone is identical to the Nokia 8800. The main differences between the two is that the Gold edition, as its name suggests, is gold plated and it costs around $1600, $600 more than its titanium counterpart. I haven't seen anyone using it yet. It is definitely not something I would buy. I mean, come on, the gold makes it look more like an ah-pek's phone than a unique, one of a kind phone.

Nokia 8800 Arte

Arte Sapphire

As if trying to attract all those uber-rich consumers which doesn't asks for the price when shopping, Nokia is releasing another two high end phones; the Nokia 8800 Arte and the Nokia 8800 Arte Sapphire. In essence, these two phones are identical to the Nokia 8800 and Nokia 8800 Gold edition. Flamboyant phones that has nothing but looks. The Nokia 8800 Arte Sapphire even has a blue gem embedded into its keypad. How cool is that?

Sometimes, the difference between poor and rich can be colossal. The poor men's Vertu costs $1000. The rich men's ones have prices starting from $10000. With prices like that, you might think that these Vertu phones are super-phones. Then you are sorely mistaken. Other than having more leather, gems, satins, velvet and "ergonomics engineering", these obscenely expensive phones still has nothing much to fight my Nokia 5700 in terms of functionality. The things that a Vertu owener can boast about is its exhorbitant cost and how rich the owner is. Thats all.

Just when you think luxury has a limit in the mobile phone arena, you are in for a surprise. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the Goldvish Illusion! The ultimate luxury mobile phone made of 18k gold, set with top quality diamonds and incorporating advanced quad band technology. The fusion of exclusive Swiss watch-making and high technology. The back of the phone is covered in sting ray or crocodile skin giving it a unique texture. The specs of the phone are far better than the Vertu due to the fact that it is relatively new. Wow! Better specs! But still pales in comparison to MY phone!

When you are finally certain that things couldn't get any snobbier, flashier, bling-ier and gem-mier, you are SO TUAPEKGONG-DAMN WRONG! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Behold! The limited edition (with only 3 in the whole wide world) 'Le Million' Piece Unique. Nope, Batman is not going bling-bling, this is not his new Bat Boomarang. Trust me, its a TUAPEKGONG-DAMN mobile phone!

GoldVish, an uber-luxury communication company out of Geneva Switzerland manufactured what may be the most expensive cell phone in the world; costing more than $2,000,000. That’s enough to feed a relatively small country (think Singapore? maybe not) for a few weeks. The one of kind GoldVish phone is plastered with 120 carats of VVS-1 grade diamonds, while the casing is made of white gold. Despite its breathtaking price - IT STILL CANT COMPETE WITH MY NOKIA 5700 IN TERMS OF FUNCTIONALITY! GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME, FOR A PHONE THAT COSTS THIS MUCH, I WOULD EXPECT IT TO DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY. LIKE SHOOT A ROCKET OR SOMETHING.

But pushing on one of the precious stones unlocks a secret compartment that can be used for carrying medicine or jewels.


Oh, and if you ever want to buy this beauty, you’ll need a Swiss bank account with over $2,000,000. GoldVish doesn’t take Visa or Matercards.

Concluding statement: I may not be rich but I am pragmatic. I won't spend my money on some products that can't even spell goldfish correctly.