Yes, that's the most-ultimate-super-duper-mega-uber-cb strong monster boss in discussion here. Look at how badass it looks; it has got an EVIL face where its groin should be!
Okay never mind me.
Playing the game for the x-th time, really I can't remember how many times I played and completed this personal favorite of mine - it was my first Final Fantasy game and it led me on into the other worlds of fantasy where I dreamt I was forever 17. As I was saying, even after playing it for the x-th time, I still find one famous quote by Squall to be most true:
"(Think what you want... Reality isn't so kind. Everything doesn't work out the way you want it to. That's why...) As long as you don't get your hopes up, you can take anything... You feel less pain. Anyway, whatever wish you have is none of my business."
And his quote speaks for itself; the only certainty about the future is its uncertainty. I held that quote as my guiding principle for a large part of my life (c'mon, we once idolized characters like Power Rangers when we were young didn't we?) and for better or for worst, I am where I am today.
However, in recent years, I tried to break free of that restricting bound, to live life the way most people perceived as the best way to live life; embrace the future, look forward to a better tomorrow everyday and ultimately, your dreams will come true. Well. All I can say is, I am not any happier than before. In fact, I feel that I am less happy than when I was living life the Squall way.
The despair that comes from not being able to achieve my aims really can be quite hard to swallow sometimes. Not being able to achieve my aims is still alright. After all, its something which I plan to do and as with all plans, there are bound to be failures. I just have to expect less from now on.
It is when something which I firmly believe will happen but doesn't happen that crushes me into the 19th level of hell. I was told to believe that what I want will happen. Hold on to my belief firmly. Ignore all other adversaries. Firmly stay my course and work towards what I want and I will eventually get it. That simple.
And so, naively, I followed that rule. I thought about what I want all day and all night. I tried to do things to accelerate its fruition. I thought of what I would do when I get what I wanted. I thought of the change that will follow. I believed. I really believed. Days passed. Months passed. I can't recall if years actually passed but for the sake of theatrics - years passed.
It eventually came to a point when I realized: "Dude, this ain't gonna happen. Stop lying to yourself."
Lying to myself.
So all this while, firmly holding on to my beliefs, I have been self-delusional. I didn't ask for the moon. Neither did I ask for divine intervention to vaporize the whole of China. I wanted something mundane. To enjoy the pleasures of living. That's all.
Sure, some could argue maybe I didn't wait long enough. I am no saint. I am a mere mortal, with limited patience. And enough sense to know the possible outcome of what I am doing. If you still insist on telling me my faith isn't strong enough, all I have to say to you is you're getting poisoned by Hollywood. Get your ass out in the sun and exercise for a change.
When something you really yearn for turns out to be nothing more than a puff of smoke - and you knew that it is going to be a puff of smoke but still kept trying to catch it - and realizing that you were probably consoling yourself yourself by telling yourself that it will happen soon enough all this while --- its worst than being in Challenger's Deep with your pajamas. I wonder if 19th level is even enough to describe this rancor.
So much for "the future is bright".
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