I can't sleep and I have a quiz later at 8.30 am.

My initial plan was to sleep at 10pm yesterday night and wake up at 6am today to revise but I ended up waking at 12am and stayed awake all the way until now. Damn that ccb thermodynamics assignment. It screwed up my sleeping hours over the past few days. Never in my 3.8 semesters of university life have I dread an assignment so much before. Thank goodness I am done with it. I say good riddance!

I was wondering how to make myself sleep before 12am today. I need to reverse my body clock. So, I went to our friendly internet assistant, Google (never mind that they know anything and everything about what you've searched and where you have been), to get some answers.



Warm milk sounds nice. A hot bath - really? Soft music, meditation and massage all makes me feel sleepy already. And then comes sex. LOL. I was amused by this solution.

Can you imagine telling your spouse next time "Hey, I need to sleep. Let's fuck."
But I have to agree, it works.

Unfortunately, that option is not available for me. So I will probably buy a couple of beer, drink myself drunk and go to sleep.

As the ancient Chinese saying goes:

无boobs, booze也好

I've just finished watching the final installment of the Saw series. All I can say is, it was stunning. OK, ignoring the traps and stuff, this movie actually has a brilliant plot! Look through the gore. Look through the abomination. Look at the masterfully crafted storyline.

I will blog more about the movie soon.




Meanwhile, some screenshots.

Today, something interesting happened; someone felt threatened by my masculinity and was compelled enough to do something to try and put me down.

Okay. Maybe he wasn't threatened by my masculinity. Maybe its just me getting ahead of myself. Maybe he is just providing sound advise to the other person involved. Maybe.

So, here goes.

It was 11.30am and I was in the hangar with my group doing our aircraft design manufacturing project (we were really just building aircraft models, not that much of a big deal). We were there since 10.30am trying to get our goddamn dodo-bird-of-a-model to fly. Then, one of those moments came where suddenly, my services wasn't required by the group, in other words, I had nothing to do. So I sat at the table minding my own business, mainly just stoning.

Awhile later, this other girl from my group suddenly had nothing to do as well. So she came over and sat next to me. I chatted with her for abit and she asked if she could see my mobile phone because she wants to get a BlackBerry after her mobile plan ends later this year. Naturally, I just took my phone out and lent it to her. It was just a friendly gesture on my part, but not that friendly in the eyes of another member in my group.

Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery saw her borrowing my phone and felt the need to do something. Like a chivalrous knight rushing to the aid of a princess who is about to be devoured by an evil dragon, he came up to our table and sat next to her, telling her that BlackBerry is no good and she should consider getting an Android phone.



I believe in free choices and that everyone has the freedom to choose what gadgets they want to own. So I thought maybe Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery was just trying to give the princess more choices by telling her about his phone. But, that was not the case.

When Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery realized that the girl was still looking at my BlackBerry even after he spoke up, he pressed on.

Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery: "Hey, BlackBerry useless one. Don't buy. Android better."

Princess: "No, its not useless. I like it."

Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery: "Yeah, I know it looks nice but really, I feel that for the price you pay, you are getting damn little back in terms of functionality."

Princess: "Really? But I like the BBM."

Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery: "The BBM useless one. Nobody uses it. Android got Whatsapp. Better. Don't buy BlackBerry. Useless one."

Princess: *Continues looking at my BlackBerry*



Throughout the conversation, Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery tried showing his phone to her but the princess wasn't really interested. Well, she took a glace at it. You know, somehow I feel that if Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery can grab my BlackBerry from her and throw it away, I am sure he would.

To make an absolute claim such as "BlackBerries are useless" reflects his lack of knowledge in the field of mobile technology. In other words, he is merely shooting his mouth off, without using his head. And what's with selling what he is using so vehemently to the girl? Maybe he is a die-hard Android fan. I can give him that. But the last I remembered, he enjoys playing Angry Birds on his iPod touch.

To top it all off, he said all those in front of yours truly, the owner of the BlackBerry phone, and in a condescending tone as well. Wow. Things couldn't get any more subtle.

I really cannot comprehend what Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery is trying to get at. I wanted shoot him back but then realized there is no point in doing so. After all, the girl still wasn't interested in getting an Android phone.

Okay. So I might be thinking too much into the actions of Sir Encarnacion Percival Montgomery. But can I be blamed for thinking that way?

I am replaying Final Fantasy 8 on my PSP out of boredom due to lack of games to play, no thanks to my Macbook which cannot play any decent games. I have gotten to Disc 4 and am in the midst of trying to defeat the most-ultimate-super-duper-mega-uber-cb strong monster boss in the game - Omega Weapon.



Yes, that's the most-ultimate-super-duper-mega-uber-cb strong monster boss in discussion here. Look at how badass it looks; it has got an EVIL face where its groin should be!

Okay never mind me.

Playing the game for the x-th time, really I can't remember how many times I played and completed this personal favorite of mine - it was my first Final Fantasy game and it led me on into the other worlds of fantasy where I dreamt I was forever 17. As I was saying, even after playing it for the x-th time, I still find one famous quote by Squall to be most true:

"(Think what you want... Reality isn't so kind. Everything doesn't work out the way you want it to. That's why...) As long as you don't get your hopes up, you can take anything... You feel less pain. Anyway, whatever wish you have is none of my business."

And his quote speaks for itself; the only certainty about the future is its uncertainty. I held that quote as my guiding principle for a large part of my life (c'mon, we once idolized characters like Power Rangers when we were young didn't we?) and for better or for worst, I am where I am today.

However, in recent years, I tried to break free of that restricting bound, to live life the way most people perceived as the best way to live life; embrace the future, look forward to a better tomorrow everyday and ultimately, your dreams will come true. Well. All I can say is, I am not any happier than before. In fact, I feel that I am less happy than when I was living life the Squall way.

The despair that comes from not being able to achieve my aims really can be quite hard to swallow sometimes. Not being able to achieve my aims is still alright. After all, its something which I plan to do and as with all plans, there are bound to be failures. I just have to expect less from now on.

It is when something which I firmly believe will happen but doesn't happen that crushes me into the 19th level of hell. I was told to believe that what I want will happen. Hold on to my belief firmly. Ignore all other adversaries. Firmly stay my course and work towards what I want and I will eventually get it. That simple.

And so, naively, I followed that rule. I thought about what I want all day and all night. I tried to do things to accelerate its fruition. I thought of what I would do when I get what I wanted. I thought of the change that will follow. I believed. I really believed. Days passed. Months passed. I can't recall if years actually passed but for the sake of theatrics - years passed.

It eventually came to a point when I realized: "Dude, this ain't gonna happen. Stop lying to yourself."

Lying to myself.

So all this while, firmly holding on to my beliefs, I have been self-delusional. I didn't ask for the moon. Neither did I ask for divine intervention to vaporize the whole of China. I wanted something mundane. To enjoy the pleasures of living. That's all.

Sure, some could argue maybe I didn't wait long enough. I am no saint. I am a mere mortal, with limited patience. And enough sense to know the possible outcome of what I am doing. If you still insist on telling me my faith isn't strong enough, all I have to say to you is you're getting poisoned by Hollywood. Get your ass out in the sun and exercise for a change.

When something you really yearn for turns out to be nothing more than a puff of smoke - and you knew that it is going to be a puff of smoke but still kept trying to catch it - and realizing that you were probably consoling yourself yourself by telling yourself that it will happen soon enough all this while --- its worst than being in Challenger's Deep with your pajamas. I wonder if 19th level is even enough to describe this rancor.

So much for "the future is bright".