November 30, 2007

Knocked off work at around 9.30pm today. I went around and did scarlet teaming exercises with my DSO. We hit several establishments but fortunately, most of them made the mark.
I used two different type of stories to perform the exercises. Basically, I am suppose to create some distraction and then leave my belongings in the establishments and the people there must be vigilant enough to notice it and remind me to take my things with me.

Story #1: I have been receiving several scam calls from China. I am appalled by the frequency with which they call me and how they obtained my number in the first place. In fact, I received another one of these calls earlier and that prompted me to bring this matter to the police's attention.

-Then depending on the response I get, I will play along-

Story #2: Good evening officer. I am here to make an enquiry. I am not sure how I should put it but... Alright, I will be grank with you. Are gay marriages allowed in Singapore? If not, is there any thing I can do to get my marriage with my boyfriend recognized my Mr Lee's administration? Is there really no leeway at all?

- Depending on the hostility of the response, I will also play along! -

On the whole, the results were good!

Work late. Can demand for food money and longer vacation hehe.

Tomorrow is my SAT. I will have to be at STARHUB CENTRE by 7.45am.
Wish me luck!

They held each other tight as they drove on through the night they were so exited.
We got just one shot of life, let's take it while we're still not afraid.
Because life is so brief and time is a thief when you're undecided.
And like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands.

Young hearts be free tonight.
Time is on your side,
Don't let them put you down, don't let 'em push you around,
Don't let 'em ever change your point of view.



I love this song. It tells a story of two delinquent lovers who faced tyrannical oppression from their family in their premature relationship. They eventually decided to elope and seek their happiness out there.

Its so sweet and I think the lyrics make some sense too. Why wait and leave fate to someone else when you can decide fate yourself? Ladies and gentlemen, Christmas is coming soon and love is in the air. Do not hesistate to express your love for your crush. Be bold enough to tell him/her I have a very profound affection for you.

Do not spend Christmas alone anymore!


HECK! I am gonna be late for work!

November 28, 2007

I ate Maggi Mee for dinner again. Remind me never to trust my 2nd bro again. He called me when I was still at work and offered to take away a packet of fried rice for me. When I reached home, the fried rice was nowhere to be found. He dint buy it at all. And he dint even bother to call and tell me that his not buying dinner for me. If he did then I could have eaten outside. What an irresponsible guy.

Lessons Learnt While Cooking Maggi Mee Today:

1. Never brew your Maggi Mee like how sinsehs brew their chinese medical concoctions. Not only will your egg become hard-boiled but your noodles will expand alot also.

2. Don't try to cook your egg whole with the Mee. When you break the egg into the mee already, stir the noodle and the egg so that the egg will get "smashed" and distributed evenly throught the pot. This makes the egg ripe faster. Leaving your egg in its untouched condition (yolk and egg white intact) is suicidal; the water in the pot will dry up and the pot will explode before the egg even ripens.

3. Don't go and check for what shoes to buy on eBay after adding a large amount of water into the pot to prevent it from drying up. The water will most likely boil, expand and then overflow onto the stove because you are too engrossed with the wide selection of shoe.

Shit sia. People say I look like old man. And a nerd.
I had a sweet, wonderful sleep last night. I even woke up feeling energetic; a deviation from the usual fatigue that I will feel when I wake up on other days. My parent's bed is just too comfortable ler. Its KING KOIL brand and its freaking QUEEN SIZE. So spacious, I can sleep diagonally and I can leave my Pikachu at the side without causing any obstruction (this morning the Pikachu was on the floor. I think I must have knocked it down. Poor Pika)!

OK enough about my bed. I don't want to sound like some country bumpkin that has only slept on mattresses for his entire life. (Coincidentally, I spent most of my past 18 years of existence sleeping on mattresses....)

Lets see. My 2nd brother's wife (is that my brother-in-law?) cant cook for walnuts sake. She pour the oil machiam the oil price now is $0.01 per barrerl! When I came home, the entire kitchen floor was oily sia! Disgusting. And I see the food I got turned off; the vegetables and meat are actually shiny! You can see light reflecting on it sia. Power lor. Luckily I ate before coming home. No way in Singapore am I going to stomach HER food. One mouth of it and you can pee enough oil to cook another meal. Sheez. Talk about China Babi. Ooops.

Regarding my that matrix phone. I doubt I am gonna buy it. It would cost me around $70 which I reckon is too boh hua already. Never mind about it being the chosen phone. I cant afford to burn my pocket and jeopardize my hobby of playing pocket billards. now what the heck I am talking about... nvm, you guys know what I am talking about. or do you?

November 26, 2007

"Because I am leaving on a jet plane,
Don't know when I'll be back again..."

Mom and Dad just left Singapore for Hong Kong at around 6+ am just now. They deserved this long overdue vaccation, especially Dad; it is his first time in his life riding an aeroplane.

They won't be back until this Friday. Meanwhile, I will have the whole house to myself. EEE-haw! Ok. Not exactly totally to myself since my 2nd bro is around as well. But nevermind, at least nobody will be there to nag at me for 5 days.

November 25, 2007

How long has it been? 1 year perhaps.

The anxiety which I felt knowing that I have made many mistakes after marking my test script.
The helplessness which fills me when I realized I only have 1 more week to study.
The affliction which crept into me for procrastinating my revision until this last week.

... BIG DEAL!

I made it through my A levels, O levels, PSLE, Streaming Exam! I am not gonna let this SAT bring me down. Never. Final victory belongs to me! Or so it seems. The english part of SAT is really close to insurmountable. All the funny and chim words everywhere. I also hate writing essays, especially those whereby you do not have the choice of questions.

Never mind never mind. According to the Secret, I can sail smoothly through SAT if I want to. Hehe.
I studied about the term "monopoly" during Social Studies (Chapter 6: The rise and fall of Venice) when I was in Secondary 4 back in Maris Stella High. Basically it means having control total control over a particular resource (for Venice, it was salt and fishes) so that you can set the price for that resource. Even if you were to set exhorbitant prices, other people or countries will still buy from you because you are the only one that has it and the people need it.

I haven't really experience "monopoly" (unless you're talking about the board game) yet in my life until today, thanks to Bill Door's Microsoft.

I switched to the Mozilla Pyrofox browser recently because it is said to be much more safer than the Microsoft Internet Venturer. I went to Microsoft's website just now wanting to download updates for my PC but when I clicked on the "Windows Update" link, I was greeted with the following message:

"We thank you for your interest in Microsoft's updates. However, we can only provide the updates in Internet Venturer. Please switch to Internet Venturer and come back again. You may want to download the latest version of Internet Venturer here. blah blah blah."

Its not exactly what was shown but that is the gist of it.

After switching to Pyrofox, I also encountered problems when accessing my Swelteringmail account. Everytime after I signed in, instead of the mailbox interface, a seemingly never ending list of words and numbers will appear. I need to refresh the window several times before the mailbox appears. How amusing.

Also, when using Pyrofox, my MSN Live Envoy kept logging in and out by itself. Sometimes, I would be in the middle of a chat and the thing will just disconnect and as if to mock me, once it disconnects, a timer will pop up, indicating the amount of time left to re-connection. Why would it disconnect and then reconnect by itself in the first place?

In conclusion, I believe its Microtender's ploy to take over the world - the virtual world that is. No wonder up till now Apple's iLife isn't even anywhere near to Microtender's back.

...

Back to my main point; monopoly. See, once you have monopoly over something, you can more or less bend people to your will. In my case, I am forced to switch back to Internet Venturer because of incompatibility issues between Pyrofox and Microtender-related products.

Anyway I am not really complaining. At least now I can view my blog in normal sized words lol. So Mr. Commando, stop complaining about the large font size on my blog and switch to Internet Venturer. Submit to the insurmountable prowess of Microtender!

*Pardon me for all the paraphrases (eg. Microsoft becomes Microtender). I need to practice my English skills because my Scholarstic Assessment Test, more commonly known as SAT, is due next Saturday.

November 24, 2007

Goodness gracious me. Its been awhile since I last blogged. Well, cant help it. I am a full time Please-man (when you say it fast enough, thats what policeman sounds like).


As a civil servant of venerable significance, I am entitled to a government SIM card where I can use it to make work-related communications. I am looking for a second phone to use this government SIM card. Actually, I already had a phone in mind. I told Alphonsus about this phone before.


Its the Nokia 8110i. A phone that has been immortalized by the Matrix Trilogy. Talking about Matrix... I am reminded of a joke. Here goes:
That was a boy.
His name is Mat.
His favourite subject is Mat-hematics.
He lives in the Mat-rix.
=AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA=
Ahem. Anyway, yes, I am trying to find this phone. Mr. Commando, if I can find it, we can cos-play! I will be Neo, you be Morpheus. Ted can be Trinity. Elleen will be the Oracle. Kenneth is... Agent Smith? Chia Seng can be the Architect. As for Julian... let him be one of the many replicas of Agent Smith!

November 16, 2007

I have graduated from my 2 weeks DSO course today. I no longer feel resentful, hateful and apprehensive to my DSO posting. In fact, I am looking forward to starting my job on Monday! The reason being DSO is not just about being a security guard, which I initially assumed. Its more than that, something bigger and actually quite important and indispensable.

Today's graduation was a memorable one. I will remember this day for a long time to come.

Everybody, please address me as Checker Yong!

*Hint hint: Checking something is equivalent to inspecting something."

November 11, 2007

=15 things you didn't know about your penis=

1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimetre. Erections are all about good bloodflow and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don't care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the lil'l guy.

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23000 square metres, which would be enough to cover every Major League infield with human flesh.

3. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor's looking forward to check your prostate. Even if you are not.

4. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women are really interested in equality, they would make sure we have four orgasms for each of theirs.

5. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That's greek for "amazing swimmer with a large penis".

6. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed . Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apple plastic rings, caps and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained... Okay, I'll shut up now.

7. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It is estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.

8. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

9. An international men's health survey reports that 79% of mean have growers while 21% have showers.

10. German researchers say that the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes and 50 seconds yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes and 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?

11. Turns out size does matter: the longer your penis, the better "semen displacement" you will achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That's according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the "scooping" mechanism of the penis's coronal ridge. Next up, curing cancer.

12. The penis that has been enjoyed most by women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga who supposedly deflowered 37800 women between 1770 and 1784 - that's about 7 ladies a day. Go ahead, say it: It's good to be King.

13. Better looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average and lousy sperm and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers often.

14. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for the said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.

15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.

November 10, 2007


I acquired this very peculiar piece of photographic evidence. I wonder who it depicts. Whoever it is, he is in blatant violation of the Environmental and Public Health Act and ought to be prosecuted.