Just one hour ago, I was studying in the kitchen for my Maths paper later on in the afternoon. Half way through, I heard a slight "tap" behind me. So I turned around and...
-WHAT THE FUCK-
... a green grasshopper just landed on one of my cupboard door. The hair on my arms instantly rose up like needles and I can feel the goosebumps growing in my skin!
"What the hell! Its just an insect!" I thought to myself but I still can't overcome my fear... After awhile, I stood up and moved slowly, and I do mean slowly, to the living room - the safe zone.
The grasshopper was still on the door. I tried to stay calm, cool and collected while thinking of ways to chase the insect away. After awhile, I realized that I do not have any good ideas to chase it away.
"Wah lao its just a green insect lah, confirm got way to deal with it.." I thought to myself.
"Lets think logically - this is an insect which can fly... AHH IT FLIES!", immediately after this thought, my hair rose again and my goosebumps starts to build up once more. Heck. I hate flying insects.
All this while, I have been staring at the grasshopper, making sure that it does not move away without me knowing it where it movedto. Trust me, thats the last thing you want to happen when you are trapped with a FLYING insect in an enclosed area. I was still staring deeply at the insect, hoping that it will just go away when suddenly, the darn insect took flight - I got shocked and jumped like 1.5 metres backwards into the living room.
Fuck. How could I be manhandled by that puny little organism?
Needless to say, my goosebumps built up again...
That stupid grasshopper took flight and land at a spot that is just a few centimetres away from its original spot. Its like it is scaring me deliberately.
Damn.
After calming down, I finally thought of something; projectile weapons!
I found 3 rubber bands on my living room wheel-table and launched it at the grasshopper.
Shot 1... missed.
Shot 2..... missed.
Shot 3........ MISSED!!!
I have tons of rubber bands but they are all in the kitchen....
Then I realized that I could crush waste paper and hurl it at the cursed monster!
So I opened the drawer and found only 5 pieces of rough paper for my maths and physics workings... I used to have lots but I threw them into the recyling bag a few days ago...
I took aim and:
Shot 1.. missed
Shot 2... missed
Shot 3.... missed
Frustrated, I crush the remaining two papers together and hurl it at the monster.
shot 4....... MISSED!
Ah HECK. I suck at throwing things at things.
While thinking of what I can do next, my handphone rang and I found out later that it was Chia Seng... In this kind of situation, I need the pest removal service, not a maths pro...
Meanwhile, I found a piece of cardboard and held it in my hand. It was like my sword for fighting that heinous monster! But that sword is pretty useless if it cant strike the enemy. Still, I held it for assurance purposes.
"Wah LAO just go away lah bloody hell!" I murmured to myself. I was really desperate to get rid of the green thing.
Then that green thing took flight again, I was prepared for it this time, and it make a few rounds around the kitchen before landing on the wall opposite of the cupboard it was initially on. When it crawled onto the cable at the top of the wall, I was half hoping that it will get electrocuted. Of course, I am not psychic and it continued crawling along the cable.
I suddenly thought of a tool that would be very handy in these kind of situations - the electric racket! It actually looks like a badminton racket, except that the "net" on the racket are wires which will conduct electricity when you press the switch. Its used for electrocuting insects. I had one a few years ago but it became faulty and my mom threw it away. I regretted not asking her to get a new one.
While I am deep in my thoughts, the green thing took flight again and I got freaked out(fuck) because it sort of flew towards me.
Then, the worst thing happened to me.
I lost track of the damn creature!!!!!!!!!
I saw it flew towards the ground but it wasnt there when I bent down to survey the ground. And I dont see it anywhere thats visible to me either.
"What the FUCK!" I thought to myself.
I am in really deep shit now. I've got three options.
1) Go to sleep immediately and hope that the thing will just go away.
2) Return to the kitchen desk and continue studying, ignoring its presence.
3) Track the damn thing out and destroy it.
I chose option 3 and after bracing myself, I took a step across the boundary and entered the danger zone.
I pushed the chair nearest to me with my leg and nothing green flew out from it. So I took that chair and placed it in the living room. I did the same to the remaining two chairs and the green thing was not hidding in either of them.
Then, I roughly remembered that it briedly flew in the direction towards my pencil case. So I went into the living room, took an umbrella and went back to the kitchen and poked my pencil case with the umbrella.
Nothing flew out.
I was really worried by now because that green thing could now be anywhere! I was already half-way into the kitchen and would suffer serious damage if the enemy were to ambush me. Worse, it could attack me from the flank and cut off my only route of escape. If that really happens, I figure that I will just have to lock myself in the toilet and wait for dad to wake up next morning and chase the cursed creature away.
Luckily for me, I dont have to spend the night with my family's shit.
I saw the target crawling on the side of the refrigerator and it appears to have not seen me yet. So, I grabbed my sword quickly and slapped it against the green thing.
*PIAK*.
The enemy fell on to the ground.
YES! I have successfully disabled the enemy's movement! Thats a huge victory!!!
*PIAK**PIAK**PIAK*
.............................................................................
The enemy has been eradicated.
Yes. Finally, I've gotten rid of the dang green thing.
Upon inspecting the corpse, I realised that it is really a grasshopper which I suspected initially. Man I am a genius.
I scooped the green pulp up and dump it into the rubbish chute.
All is peaceful once more and I resumed my studies.
Blistering barnacles!!! I can watch all the sick and psychotic horror films along in the entire cinema and yet, I get so freaked out by a tiny green entity thats 100 times(or maybe more) smaller than me.
Tua Pek Gong, I am such a chicken-wuss......
One of these days, I am gonna overcome my fear and before I do, I am gonna get myself a brand new electric racket.
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